So I’m at my hospital consultation, reading my medical notes over the neurologist’s shoulder. And after the single red flag on my test notes, it read, “cannot rule out an extra-medullar tumour.”

The doctor noted my raised eyebrow. “Well,” he said —

CUT TO: INSIDE WARREN’S BRAIN:

— “That’s just boilerplate text they have to put into the notes to cover themselves. You don’t have a brain tumour. That’s a hypertensive stress marker. But we’re going to go ahead and schedule you another test anyway.”

So I probably don’t have a brain tumour. Go ahead and subscribe to my newsletter to follow my inevitable neurological degradation and diagnosis.